All in a day's work...

Just as the monotony of scanning one grocery item after another was about to push me over the edge, I was left dumbstruck by a customer’s comment that was far more profound than the average small talk exchanged within the confines of the Grocery Outlet.

I scanned this precious man’s last grocery item, and then proceeded to complete the transaction as he pulled out his EBT (food stamps) card. While we both patiently waited for the information to process, he glanced down at the screen and then back at me and casually said “Man, I’ve been waiting for approval my whole life.” He was obviously referring to getting his card approved, but looking in his eyes revealed how loaded his statement truly was. Being my awkward, oblivious self I brushed it off with an uncertain chuckle and sent him on his way.

Minutes later, a lull in my check stand line gave me time to reflect on what he had said. I was blown away that this humble man had fully realized and admitted a struggle that is common to almost all of mankind…seeking approval from one another. We are on an endless quest to receive a sense of approval from everyone we come in contact with, whether it is making a good first impression, pleasing our parents, or impressing a certain someone, we do not give up until we feel accepted and adequate.

My question is WHY? Why do we work so hard, why do we compromise ourselves, why do we strive with no end in sight, all for the measly approval of a mere human being who in fact is no greater than ourselves? That in itself seems ridiculous to me, but then you add in the factor of God’s love and it becomes downright absurd. While we are occupied with the tedious task of gaining one another’s approval, God is ready to lavish us with his love, blessing, and adoration that completely surpasses any sanction from man. And what does he require in order to earn that love? All that He asks is that we simply be with Him. He longs for us to bask in His presence, and revel in the person that He made us to be.

So why waste our time and energy yearning for the approval of men, when we could instead be exploring the depths of God’s infinite love for us as He pours it out upon us…I know what I would prefer. :)

unveiled

I have been choosing to live a life unsatisfied. I have been choosing to drink vinegar over water, choosing sorrow over joy, choosing tears over smiles.

Christ desires to transform me, mold me into a new creation. He has given me the opportunity to shed the old me and put on the brilliant covering of renewal.

I know that feelings of guilt and shame are not from the Lord, but how can I feel anything other than remorse and frustration when I observe how I have been foolishly living? The most disheartening part of it all, is the monotony of being stuck in this rut, and not understanding how to get out.

I see the treachery that accompanies the path I am travelling- a lackluster life will dulled relationships, cloudy skies, and further retraction into the person I was instead of growth into the person I can become.

At the same time, I see how following the path of my Savior brings about the purest form of joy, satisfaction, fulfillment. I was created for the sole purpose of chasing after Him and learning how to glorify his name. Naturally, filling this purpose will bring about the pleasure of living in His presence, following His will.

I have no desire to live my life of old…yet I struggle to get sure-footing on the path of righteousness that leads to me as a new creation.

I must be freed of who I am, so that I may pursue who I am to become.

The beauty of it all, is that Christ desires for me to be released even more than I do. And it is in the process of being freed that I gain a full understanding of His grace, and a better acceptance of His love.

So Jesus, come and set me free.

2 Corinthians 3:16-18

But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

Desires of a 19 year old girl

I want to live happily ever after.

I want to impact the world.

I want to be good at singing.

I want to meet him, and to know it’s him.

I want him to want me.

I want to travel the world.

I want to eat as many cream puffs as I can, without facing any consequences.

I want to look like her.

I want my grandma back.

I want friendships to be like they used to be.

I want no one to go hungry, and everyone to have a roof over their head.

I want to play in a basketball game where there is no such thing as getting fouled out.

I want to adopt a baby from Africa, Asia, South America, and India.

I want a Persian kitty named Gus.

I want to be able to live a life of ministering on the streets without worrying about making a living for myself.

I want to play the piano.

I want to be confident.

I want to be serenaded by Jim Sturgess.

I want to enrich the lives of others.

I want to make a difference.

How is it so easy, so second-nature, for me to want these things, and yet such a struggle for me be in a constant state of want and desire for more of Jesus? Comparing a Persian cat to the Creator of the Universe..it doesn’t seem to be a difficult decision in choosing what I would desire more, but the answer is sometimes shocking.

Looking at how I live my life, what is it that I am yearning for? My fruit would show that often times it’s not more of Jesus, but rather the temporal things of this world such as romance and appearance. I find my thoughts revolving around these things, and my happiness is often dependent on whether or not they are within reach. Meanwhile, Christ is standing by hoping that I will wake up and realize that He is the only thing worth longing for. He would love nothing more than for me to simply WANT HIM.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:28-29

I want to, want to want You.

I want to want you, Jesus.

I want to, want to want You.

I want to want to, Jesus.

You have shown your Truth,

I confessed my sins.

Teach me to repent and believe.

Lived a broken life,

You can heal my heart.

Lord your grace is all that I need.

I need to, need to need You.

I need to need you, Jesus.

I need to, need to need You.

I need to need you, Jesus.

You have shown your Truth,

I confessed my sins.

Teach me to repent and believe.

Lived a broken life,

You can heal my heart.

Lord your grace is all that I need. –Confessions, Casey Hurt