It's been a few months since my last blog..which I have decided really isn't healthy-blogging is good for my soul.
Isn't it interesting how God works, teaching us the same lessons time and time again..its a wonder he doesn't get bored with his children sometimes--just another display of his affectionate love.
How absurd is it that in the few months since I have been back in Eugene, it seems I have almost completely lost sight of the life-changing revelations I shared in my last blog. Absurd, and absolutely aggravating. It makes me long to walk in the shoes of Paul, David, James...any of those who seemingly had it all together for at least a majority of the time. I just want to know HOW. How do I grasp these discoveries God reveals to me enough to implement them into my day to day life..so that when he wants to reveal to me something further, I am ready to receive it? God tells me to let go, and let Him. But how? Am I making things more complicated than need be? Knowing my over-analytical self, that's probably the case. :) But it is frustrating nonetheless.
Recently He has taken me to further depths of understanding my identity, in a more practical sense. Despite (or possibly because of it?) my lack of self-discipline in pursuing the identity he had been revealing to me, he apparently is taking a new approach. In the past month or so, the things I had previously found most of my self-worth and value in have been ripped out from beneath me. For the first time in my life, I am not considering an athlete. For the first time in my life, school doesn't come easy to me..and my grades are less than commendable. For the first time in my life, I have been really skeptical of my chances of the man to marry. Every pitiful thing offered by this world that I have been so desperately clinging to is being ripped from my white-knuckled fist.
What's left? Just me. Broken and naked-a crystal clear depiction of heart-wrenching humility.
But I guess that's right where God wants me, huh?