It's been a few months since my last blog..which I have decided really isn't healthy-blogging is good for my soul.
Isn't it interesting how God works, teaching us the same lessons time and time again..its a wonder he doesn't get bored with his children sometimes--just another display of his affectionate love.
How absurd is it that in the few months since I have been back in Eugene, it seems I have almost completely lost sight of the life-changing revelations I shared in my last blog. Absurd, and absolutely aggravating. It makes me long to walk in the shoes of Paul, David, James...any of those who seemingly had it all together for at least a majority of the time. I just want to know HOW. How do I grasp these discoveries God reveals to me enough to implement them into my day to day life..so that when he wants to reveal to me something further, I am ready to receive it? God tells me to let go, and let Him. But how? Am I making things more complicated than need be? Knowing my over-analytical self, that's probably the case. :) But it is frustrating nonetheless.
Recently He has taken me to further depths of understanding my identity, in a more practical sense. Despite (or possibly because of it?) my lack of self-discipline in pursuing the identity he had been revealing to me, he apparently is taking a new approach. In the past month or so, the things I had previously found most of my self-worth and value in have been ripped out from beneath me. For the first time in my life, I am not considering an athlete. For the first time in my life, school doesn't come easy to me..and my grades are less than commendable. For the first time in my life, I have been really skeptical of my chances of the man to marry. Every pitiful thing offered by this world that I have been so desperately clinging to is being ripped from my white-knuckled fist.
What's left? Just me. Broken and naked-a crystal clear depiction of heart-wrenching humility.
But I guess that's right where God wants me, huh?
3 comments:
Wow, Brit. I don't know if you know just how incredible you are. Those titles, they don't really matter because all that were in high school were popular labels that fade away within 4-6 years of us being there. The trophies, the awards, the plays, they all stay in a trophy case with a faceless and nameless team in the years ahead. The things that we spend the first decade and a half of our life striving and dreaming for is over with nothing to show for it. The good news is, that the accolades and prizes of our former life are nothing compared to what lies ahead for both of us. The relationships, the dreams and the world changing things that we will do are so much greater than the labels we used to live under. You are so much more than an athlete, an amazing student, and a christian highschool alumni and or college student. while all of those things are still a part of you, what you carry is so much greater. You have changed lives where ever you have gone in life and you always will where ever you go. Its hard to lose titles and to feel like we are stripped of our identities simply by moving on in life, but thats the point. We move on and a new identity is created. There is a core part of you that will always be the same. It will just grow.
I don't know if any of that made sense at all. I just wanted to encourage you. You are one of my heroes. I love you so much!!
my britni.
I don't know why but reading your blog just made me tear up...it's probably in large fact due to how much i miss you. It took moving to a whole new place with thousands of different types of people for me to realize just how incredible my relationships i had at home were. Little did i know at the age of 5 when i met you that God was blessing me with a best friend i would have for life. :)
your blog is so a reflection of where im at right now. I came down here with really nothing defining me anymore. The people here didn't know anything about me other than a quick first impression and that completely freaked me out..and it still kinda does. We had our identity in high school..and i was pretty content with it. And now its my choice to decide who i am going to be down here. I honestly look at you so much in these times because you did such a good job with your first year of moving away and starting new. I don't doubt for a second that you'll continue to do what you know is good and right in God's eyes because thats what you do brit... there is not a lot of people that i have that sort of faith in- but i do in you.
I have so much to talk to you about that i feel like writing it all here but i guess i should save most of it for when i see you in a few weeks!
But as far as implementing our identity in Christ in to daily life...seriously the question i have been trying to answer for a while now. I think thats why i have this strong desire to just pick up and move somewhere where i only have God to rely on and nothing else. It seems like it would be so much easier that way. And yet i know that i have just as much potential to live off of God alone no matter where i am...its all about where my hearts intentions truly are.
am i rambling? yes, yes i am. but i miss talking to you so much. I have days that i just want to move to eugene and live with you :)
but at the same time I'm in love with this city- so i would prefer you moving here!
keep blogging dear.
:)
you bless me
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